Arranged marriage is like a real-life tinder

So unless you’re not on social media, there’s no way you missed the fact that Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson got engaged just after a month of dating. The memes flooding your instagram timeline are a proof of that. Man, they’re rich, famous and hot together and apart. And they’re living their best life. Which brings us to this question; is love really that simple and easy? Is meeting ‘the right one’ so effortless? I would say, ‘love’ as a word holds a different meaning for everyone. For some love is comfort, while for another it is passion. So maybe Ariana found her definition of love in Pete. It cannot be said the same for G-Eazy and Halsey, who just after dating for over a year called it quits a couple days ago. Love doesn’t necessarily have a ‘proper’ or ‘required’ time. People could go through fifteen and twenty-two girlfriends/boyfriends and yet not find a proper life partner in them whereas some people know from the beginning that they’ve found themselves a significant other. But because society expects us to have a significant other in our life, we practically use up a huge part of our daily life trying to find someone and when we get  this ‘someone else’ we spend that time with them trying to make them ‘the one’ instead of enjoying and being okay with them not being ‘the one’.

But society, including us, put a label on such people. Normal people, who are just like us, looking for the one, but just because they are scoping the field, they are labeled as ‘players’ for the guys, and ‘sluts’ for the girls. Not even going to start on the huge amounts of sexism in those words.

We should get one thing bright and clear. It is not your body, it is not your heart and they are definitely not your feelings. So y’all have no right to say anything regarding THEIR life. They want to get married within a month of engagement? It’s their choice. They want to be engaged for ten years and not get married, their choice. They want a live-in relationship? Guess what? It’s again their choice. In all these circumstances I don’t see the word “you” in it. So I don’t see the point of you butting your long nose and voicing out your opinion and trying to sabotage their relationship. Having an opinion is definitely something everyone should have. Difference is, they didn’t ask you for yours.

So the other day, I was casually scrolling through my instagram when I saw this picture of one of my friends from when I was a kid, (we eventually stopped talking when we grew up) and she had a huge ring on her finger and had captioned the picture with a simple ‘hitched’. Why is this worth mentioning? I was with one of my friends when I exclaimed this out loud. She then proceeded to ask me if I would go on to do a arranged marriage or a love marriage. I didn’t even have to think for a moment before I replied with ‘arranged marriage’ without hesitation.

In India, 76% of people are arranged-married through their families. It’s been quite a long tradition in India for the parents to find a suitable groom/bride for their child. And to be honest, the idea of an arrange marriage has been destroyed by the ‘modernists’. In India, a parent wants to see their child settled well and comfortably in life. And they want to be a part of helping their child settle down. Basically, that is all parents want. In a casual relationship, there’s no guarantee of marriage, something almost every person in their late 20’s is looking for, as I mentioned earlier. So parents don’t want to see their child hurting when their partner leaves.

Let’s breakdown how a love marriage comes into being.  Nowadays, I mean. You meet someone through two ways; tinder or through a friend. Y’all go out on a few dates and if you both are compatible, y’all start dating. Maybe after an average of 8 months, you both move in together and say in a couple years you both get married. Arranged marriage is like real-life tinder. In India at least, the way of marriage I’ve seen is pretty cool. First the parents ask around if there are any single guys around, get you some pictures or you go to online wedding portals. You essentially choose a couple guys you think look attractive (just like on tinder) and your parents set up a date for y’all. You don’t go out again with the guys you didn’t like and continue seeing the guy you liked. Difference is, your parents are involved a little here, and honestly, I love it. And it means so much to them. I bet they’ll never tell you that, but it’s true. So after maybe 8-9 months of seeing each other, y’all tell your respective families that you both liked each other a lot, and would like to get hitched. So within a month an engagement ceremony occurs and then after a minimum period of a year, y’all get married. So how is arranged marriage the same as marrying a complete stranger? When you go on tinder to meet someone new, they’re a stranger to you as well. To conclude, I think that the institution of arranged marriage is super cute.

Until Next time,                                                                                                                                      Stay Ferpectly Pacable,

AL xx

 

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Validation is a funny thing..

I used to think that being cool was something on the lines of knowing all the lyrics to the latest Justin Bieber or Drake song. Boy was I mistaken. Up until the tenth grade, I’d like to think I was in a very secluded environment wherein stuff like clubbing, drinking and smoking was something of an American-high school-movie-type fantasy. Fast forward to eleventh grade. Wow. It’s the first month of junior college and I get this text on the whatsapp group; “all you can drink at the @#$% freshers! One-time, full cover of just 1500! Get your name on the list today and let’s make this a night you’ll never forget!” I remember just looking down at my phone screen and wondering ‘WTF?!’ only to realize that drinking and smoking is as common as listening to music and reading books. So now, being cool equaled drinking till you’ve probably passed out and smoking your lungs to cancer.

Validation is a funny thing. And it’s very sad that even people with ‘breaking through the roof confidence’ also need it to survive. People need validation from other people who are cool. My question to everybody out there is that who decides the people who get to be cool? And why do we have to follow this definition of cool? We should be able to decide our own type of cool. I mean after all it is we that matter most to ourselves ain’t it? I get it though, the whole thrill of underage drinking. To stay out all night with your friends and party. But is it worth it? There’s no magic that happens physically to someone when they are 21 as compared to age 18 or 17, so why the legal age? Probably for a couple reasons. Twenty-one in most countries is the age wherein you are done with college and are starting your own life on your own feet. In olden days, it was the time when people usually got married or joined the army or became qualified to stand in government. So even though you become an adult at the age of eighteen, there is a huge time and learning gap until you turn the big twenty-one. So why are teens these days so hell bent on having alcohol? My guess is, they want to fit in. So when the popular guy or the cool girl offers you a bottle of beer, how are you supposed to deny it and risk a social suicide?  Peer pressure. The main part of this post.

People do stupid things under peer pressure and that irks me so much. You are your own person. So why let someone else’s thinking about ‘cool’ change your thinking of cool? Having a backbone in today’s society is crucial. All of us are so caught up in trying to grow older faster that we’re missing out on life and time. Agreed that social norms for age-based-activities aren’t the best in India, but we’re slowly progressing. But the point is that we aren’t enjoying stuff that we should be enjoying at our age. When I was twelve, i.e., six years ago, going on face book and typing out a fake age to make an account was such a rebellious and fun thing to do. Watching cartoons, sneaking a look at the screen during a kiss in an English movie was on was something all of us did. Today twelve year olds are nothing compared to what we were. The reason why “relatable posts for the 99’ and 2000’s kid” is so popular is because what are experiencing as adults, they are doing it as twelve year olds. The same way how pubs and bars were made for working people who after a long day of work would like to kick it back with a bottle of ice-cold beer.

None the less, it is your own choice and your own life. And no one decides or can tell you how to live it. But if you ever feel pressured to do something that you’re not comfortable with, do not give in to peer pressure, fight it. You’d be so proud of yourself the next morning when you wake up, that happiness would be no where in comparison to hearing the “oh you’re cool” from that cute guy for drinking that beer, and you’d be proud of you. And really, that’s all that matters.

Until Next time,                                                                                                                                  Stay Ferpectly Pacable,

AL xx

Welcome, my fellow humans.

Hello there!

So after years of considering and reconsidering, I’ve finally decided to start my blog. My own blog. So here at Ferpectly Pacable you will get to read various posts ranging from my views on the latest red carpet fashion to critiques on movies. From issues dealing with sensitive topics in society to my love for various traditions and cultures. Who am I? to answer; I am an eighteen year old, slightly dysfunctional and a totally awkward girl from Mumbai, India. And this is my take on the more or less trivial things in life. A small dose of quirkiness is something we all must look forward to, and I want to deliver. I encourage my fellow weirdos to support and read and comment on my posts. I shall vow to post as often as possible. Thank you.

Until next time,                                                                                                                                        Stay Ferpectly Pacable,

AL xx